"no credit"

well, i just received my failing score back from nasba for the 3rd time. the first 2 times i took the reg section of the exam, i failed by 1 point both times. this time, i'm just embarressed. i knew i failed. i was done with the exam way too quickly (partly being my own fault and wanting to get out of town).

this is just me venting quickly.

clearly my mind has been focused on other things. i haven't been completely focused on this exam. i need to change my habits or else im gonna be stuck in a dead end job getting absolutely no where. this is the only thing holding me back and i need to overcome it. the economy sucks right now and i hate pouring all my money into cpa exam fees each month. its killing me.

i need to clear my mind, focus, and execute...its gonna happen. right now i need to forget all of the past failures and pretend like im starting new.

this is for you Em....daddy is not going to give up.

so fresh & so clean

so my last blog was kinda depressing. too many details to get into, but now i think i'm finally starting to come together. it all started yesterday when i finally signed off on my new townhome....and let me tell you, it feels really good!!! i think this is really going to make me a lot happier. finally, my own place. im very excited to start the new year off with a fresh start.

the new place is probably close to 1800 square feet including the basement. its a 2 bed, 2.5 bath 3 story townhome. each bathroom has a garden tub and seperate shower. the master is huge with a huge walk in closet. kitchen and breakfast area have hardwood floors. and the deck is big enough to fit a party of 20 people. lots of storage space including a 2 car garage. and best of all, there's a fireplace. have i mentioned that i love fireplaces in the wintertime. one of my favorite past times is sleeping next to the fireplace when i was younger. so i'm really looking forward to moving in at the beginning of january and i can't wait to decorate and paint Em's new room. i think she is really gonna love it. she told me that she wanted her room to be purple. i don't know if Barney has anything to do with that because everything use to be pink for her.

the town is woodstock. small little town about 20 miles north from where i live now. its gonna take me about 20-30 minutes to get to work everyday, but i really don't mind it. i wanted a new city..i just wanted to explore new things. im anxious to get there. its a cute town with a really cool downtown called olde towne. the townhome is brand new and there is a swimming pool and tennis courts in the community.

anyways, i can honestly say that i'm happy now. i think this is what i needed. i think this is good for me. im at a point in my life where i need to figure things out. i think its starting to come together. ive made new friends, got a new job recently, and now im gonna have a new place. tonight im celebratin'.....cheers to me

The Grind

no, not the mtv dance show from the 90's. im back to the grind of studying for the cpa exam.

its dec. 2 and im anxiously waiting for my reg score to get back to me. the exam was horrible. i remember finishing the multiple choice questions in about an hour and a half. this kind of scares me though. i did check my answers twice as im obsessive about missing a question and rechecking my work. i had about 2 hours to do 2 simulations. simulation 1 was okay. the second simulation was tougher. i finished with about 30 minutes left and i was too excited to be done with this exam and head out of town to tuscaloosa. i dont know how i did and im scared to receive my score. hopefully the day will come when i am done with this exam.

tonight i am starting to study for audit....again. i passed this section 18 months ago and the beauty of the cpa exam is that once you pass 1 section, you have to pass all 4 in 18 months or that score expires. to my luck, audit has expired and i have to re-take this part again. my plan...study audit in december, take this section at the beginning of january...and take financial at the end of february. hopefully, if i passed reg, i'll be done at the end of february if all goes well. there have been so many times, that i've wanted to throw in the towel. i cannot do this though.

# 1 - i've never given up on anything in my life.
# 2 - what will i tell my daughter when she gets older? that its okay to give up...i could never look her in the eye and tell her this when life gets in the way.
# 3 - this is one of the biggest challenges of my life and i have to overcome it like everything else i've overcome in my life.

i know i can do it. its just a matter of time.

on to other things...thanksgiving was probably one of the best that i've had. it was nice spending time with family and friends. alabama won again and finished the regular season undefeated. now the SEC champtionship this weekend. tebow and company will be coming to atlanta and i can't wait to see how the outcome is. i think alabama matches up very well against a very fast and flashy florida team. bama plays old school, run the football, wear the defense down style of offense. the defense is sick. they are huge on the line and make the other team turn the ball over more times than any other team in college football. and when they turn the ball over, bama makes you pay. this is the type of team that can win you a championship and just hope they get past this florida team because this type of win will boost their confidence going into the national championship game in miami. and if we do go, i'm just gonna have to go down there and be a part of the celebration. roll tide

bored

at work...
so i'm trying to find a place to live. i have an idea of what i want. well, sort of. i want a 2 bedroom, 1 or 2 bath with a seperate shower and tub, and a garage. that really narrows the list down huh? you'll be surprised how many places do not have a seperate shower and tub, especially apartments. but, i've also decided that i don't want an apartment. they are boring and all look the same. im trying to find homes to rent. or a unique condo would be nice...maybe a loft with hardwood floors so Em can ride her tricycle around the house...city - either Vinings, Marietta Square, or Woodstock. i like downtowns that offer little shops and local restaurants. must include a thai and mexican restaurant and these downtowns fit the picture. also, woodstock has a really good cuban place called Papi's.... http://www.papisgrill.com/
which reminds me...i miss my cubans. no, not the people. the addictive leaf.
great seinfeld episode btw...
Jerry: Kramer told me I was supposed to pick up some Cubans.
Cuban Man #1: Yes. We are the Cubans.

what a country

why

do people point the finger? just take the blame. i, many times, have pointed my finger or come up with some excuse. why did you lose? my serve was off. why did you pick 5 samples instead of 3? because there were only 5 total. why did you come to this meeting again? because i like to sit in random meetings. i wish.
people always point the finger because they think it won't make them look as bad. its a natural self defense. to come up with an excuse instead of just saying, i was wrong or i just plain forgot. yesterday i messed something up. i acknowledged it and fixed it. simple. you live and learn. i could have gone on and made excuses or blamed others, but that doesn't get you anywhere. its just a filler. i dont even know why im talking about this, but its just been bugging me since the end of the day yesterday, and i guess this is the only way i can let my pointless feelings out and share it with the not so empty world.

on another note, thanksgiving is next week. can't wait.
emma spent the night last night and played with Puego - the "nice doggy"
and of course Bama won again. which is forcing me to talk trash to my sister at UF.
family and good friends. thursday, please come quickly.

this is short, just like life. more to come later.

Downtown Disneyland

So tonight I followed the sound of the fireworks I've been hearing everynight and it took me to Disneyland. I had dinner in "Downtown Disneyland". It was pretty amazing and made me wish that Em could see this place. There were little kids dressed up as Tinkerbell, Peterpan, and Snowhite everywhere you looked. Em loved Disney on Ice a few weeks ago...she would've loved this. Eventually, we'll go there. This one is on my list.

Exam in 3 days. Not looking forward to it. Today was Veterans day and I pretty much just stayed in my room all day studying. I'm still not use to the time change out here. I'm pretty much going to bed around 8 or 9pm and waking up around 5am. I actually think this is worse than going overseas because you at least get to sleep on the plane and catch up to the time change. I've been trying to force myself to stay up and study but its not working. Where is the Starbucks? All I see around here are Carls Jr., Del Taco, and In N Out Burgers...I went to Del Taco. It was good, but not as good as Taco Casa. That place beats all fast food restaurants. This weekend I'm going to buy a bucket of their cheese dip and about 20 chicken burrito's to go. They will think I'm crazy. They will see my rationale.

Well, happy Veterans day. We should remember those that are living on the streets homeless too. I remember one time eating at Carson's ribs in Chicago and meeting a homeless Veteran on the street after I left the restaurant. I gave him my leftovers. He gave me a cigarette. Here's to you my friend.

Hotel California

For some reason, this song popped in my head as I'm writing this blog from a hotel room in California. I probably should be studying, but I'm pretty tired. Its 930pm here in Los Angeles and 1230am back home in Atlanta. Right now, I'm hearing the fireworks go off at Disneyland right down the street. Makes me wish Em was here with me right now. I think she's old enough to go to Disneyland even though she probably wouldn't remember it. I hate being so far away from her.

This is my first time here in California and I probably won't even get to see anything since I'll be working and studying all week this week. It was a long flight...well, short compared to China and Dubai. I'm actually getting use to flying now and traveling. The US is so boring. It all starts to look the same to me after a while. Guess thats what happens when your country is only 200 years old and thinks everything is the "best" and "biggest". I feel fortunate to be living here, but I'd rather be in Europe. Especially now. I think I figured out where I would like to live if I ever had the opportunity. Switzerland. The US is the land of opportunity as my father always told me. He came to this country because there was "freedom". Well, just a little more freedom than what they have right now in Cuba. They actually lifted the cell phone ban in Cuba recently. Total number of cell phone subscribers in Cuba...a whopping 200,000 out of 11 million people. The US has an 80% penetration rate. Cuba....2%. More than half of them are probably government officials and tourists visiting the country. But, when Cubans only make $20 per month and a cell phone costs over $100 and its $3.00 per minute to call the US, I don't think there will be many new adds. You do the math. Guess its a start though.

But my point is, this country is full of opportunity. But there's opportunity around the world too. Take Switzerland. Everyone speaks English...they also speak German, Swiss German (dialect) Italian, and French. Literacy rate is over 99%. Unemployment rate is under 2%. All the major companies have sites there. The banking system is a secret and their GDP is one of the biggest in all of Europe. Unemployment in the US is now at a record 6.5% (not sure exactly what that number includes). I'm earning more money in the savings account I had since I was a kid than Em's college fund and my retirement (which makes me sick to look at). Crime rates are rising and people are now shooting each other in schools. What a country. I'm not that proud. But I guess I'll stick around since Obama is coming to town. I can't imagine what Bush has to be thinking right now. How can someone look back at the last 8 years and think, hmmm "I did a pretty good job." I know there are approval ratings and all, but I would be kinda embarrassed if I had to do a self review and sit down with someone and go over it if I were him. Wish they actually did that and made it public. That would be a good SNL skit.

Relieved

wow...Alabama beat LSU tonight. i was nervous as hell watching this game, but i was relieved in the end. we are going to hold our number 1 ranking for at least another week now. again, i dont understand how the LSU fans can hate Saban so much and feel the need to burn an image of him on a stake the night before the game. when i saw that, it made me realize how screwed up a society we are. the guy left LSU to be challenged at the next level. after a few years in the pros, he wants to come back to college football. i don't blame him for that. try disciplining a bunch of millionaires playing football. the LSU job was not open when he wanted to return...Alabama came to him and offered him the job and he took it. despite all the criticism, i believe Saban has handled it the right way. he hasn't bashed any of the LSU fans, media, or coaches. he simply appreciated the opportunity to coach there and has moved on. my gosh, he won them a national championship and put LSU on the college map. again, we are in this "talk back" society. to see people burning images of him is ridiculous.

on another note, this week i'm studying for regulation again. this will be my 3rd time taking this part of the cpa exam. two 74's does not feel too good...hopefully a 3rd time is a charm. as for now, ROLL TIDE. we'll see MS State this weekend.

1992...now 2008

so i kind of got excited when i just realized the last time the University of Alabama won a national championship in football was 1992...this was the year Clinton took office. it is now 2008, and now Obama will take office. Alabama is #1 in the polls. can they hold this spot? i really hope they can...we'll see though. hopefully, the election and Alabama football have something in common.

during the night of the election, i got a bunch of text messages from people who felt the need to express their opinion to me. one really disturbed me. i just don't understand how people can have so much hate on somebody? it might just be me, but if mccain did win, i would never start bashing the hell out of him or wishing him any harm or calling him ridiculous names. yeah, i may have been a little upset, but who am i to bash the hell out of someone who hasn't even taken office? its ridiculous to see how people are swayed by the media. obama is a "baby killer" a "muslim" the "anti-christ"...i mean, wtf? when i heard these things from my so called "friends", i want to slap them in the face. wake up people and don't listen to everything the media has to tell you...this gives me a bit of a fright about our talk back society. i'm more scared that Em has to be surrounded by these type of people.

as for now, change has taken its part in this election. obama's presence in the White House will be a start. we'll see what happens.

Phase Out

So I took the CPA exam yesterday and everyone keeps asking me how I think I did. To be honest, I really don't know. Or maybe thats just because I don't want to jinx myself. It was tough, but like anything else, if you study you can complete it and pass it. Its not a big deal....it's just a piece of paper with your name on it saying that you've worked hard. Good job, now go work your ass off.

I've come to the conclusion about this with work. There are hard workers, and there are talented people that do not have to work hard to be successful. There are those who drop out of school and become millionaires, and those who go through school, work hard, and are successful. Of course there are those that are lazy and don't care either and those that just get things handed to them. But if you work hard at something and are determined, you will prevail. Unfortunately I do not have any brilliant ideas or had any brilliant ideas where I thought about dropping out of school. I just stuck it out and worked hard. And what do I have to prove for it? Just a piece of paper. Yeah, its good and all, but I just don't get it. For the next 25-30 years, I will spend most of my time working trying to get ahead, less time with my family when thats the most important thing to me. So what am I doing here? Is this what God really wants for us? To work hard for 62 years until the age we are eligible for social security. "Security" is what the government calls it. Yeah right. Its suppose to be a package for protection for people. It's more like, heres a little bit of money, but you still have to work to make a decent living, but if you make too much, we are going to tax your proceeds at a higher rate because we don't want you making too much money. What the hell is wrong with this place.

I'm the next act....

So tomorrow I'm taking my second to last part of the CPA exam. I hope to pass this one and get it out of the way so that I will only have one part left. Its been a crazy month with work and study. Sometimes I ask myself why I do this, and then I think about Em, who I live each and everyday for. I miss her every single day that I don't see her. I miss everything. I wish things were better. Hopefully someday they will get better. I've never felt so empty in my life after everything. I guess people can move on. It's hard to move on though. That seems to be what love does and I think I don't like that feeling. I won't give up though. I never have.
I want to show Em the world and I can't wait to do that if she ever wants to. But its a crazy world out there, and I'm scared for her. I guess thats just part of life and what we all go through each and every day. Each day the page turns and hopefully it keeps you interested. As one person said, we should all try to laugh, think, and cry all in one day because that's a heck of a day. I think lately I've been spending too much time in thought. I went to the Radiohead concert a few weeks ago and I think that day I did all three of those things. That was a good day.